It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
