so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
3pm strippers are depressing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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