My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
