the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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