After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
