You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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