Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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