There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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