There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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