I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
