I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
