That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
