Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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