I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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