i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
