i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
