Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
