6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
