dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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