Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
