Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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