one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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