Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
