I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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