saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
