it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
