So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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