i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your cock deserves a montage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
