i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it's like iHOP with fire
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
