I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
