gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
