I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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