just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
