So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
