Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
