Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
