If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
