she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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