I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
