Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
