we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
