i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
