how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
