nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
