do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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