they need to just BURY HIM!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
