I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He better not be in your backpack
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
