lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
