omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
