Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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