If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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