You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
